As The Celery Stalker and The Drunken Tomato continued their quest for the ultimate bloody mary, they came upon a beacon of vodka infused light as they entered Genies Cafe in Portland, Oregon. What follows is a recount of their first impressions as they quenched their thirst for the ultimate savory cocktail. The Celery Stalker: [...]
About The Celery Stalker
My dearest future Mrs. Celery Stalker (currently Miss Bloody Mary), I want you to know how important you are to me. Your flowing celery leaflets and glistening fruit juices drive me wild. And I often lose myself just thinking about consuming your every last drop. If you do not believe me, allow me to show you my shrine of the many high resolution pictures I have taken in your honor. I also want you to know that I will always protect you from the evils of the world, such as bottled mixes and overwhelming horseradish. You will never have to fear such horrendous evils, as I am skilled in the fine art of celery spearing. But every time we say goodbye I fear you will forget me. Please know that I will never forget you. From your barest form to your most elaborate dressings, every element you add to yourself is recorded in my mind, and I recall these images more frequently than you could imagine. I want to know you, my dearest Bloody Mary. I want to experience you in every corner of the world and maybe even take you to one of those risqué build your own bloody mary bars. Oh how delightfully sinful that would be! But please understand this. We are made for each other. Wherever you are, I will find you. I will endlessly pursue you and you will be mine. Don’t try and fight it. I cherish your salty rim. And I wait for the day we can be together again. Always yours, The Celery Stalker
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