Wonderful, wonderful Puerto Vallarta.  If I could dub this post, I would.  As your eyes moved along these words, I’d play this calming tune in the background.  And as I guided your imagination along the warm, sandy beaches, passed the playful ocean waves and toward the refreshing infinity pool, I’d place an ice cold bloody mary in your hand while you rested peacefully upon a float beneath the afternoon sun.

Having recently had this exact experience, I can only say that it was pure bliss.  And even the bloody mary, which some might be wary of in such a warm climate, managed to fit perfectly into the equation.

Based on my experience with three different bloody mary purveyors (Secrets Vallarta Bay Resort & Spa, Vista Vallarta Golf Club and Wings inside the Puerto Vallarta airport), I can only assume that a well-defined, Puerto-Vallarta-specific bloody mary recipe has emerged.  At each locale, the recipe was the same.  Jumex brand tomato juice, a light to moderate amount of Tabasco, lots of lime juice, a little salt and pepper and a splash each of Worcestershire and soy sauce.   Now of course, soy sauce was the weird one out, but think of it as more of a salty finish than an allusion to salty sushi.  The tomato juice was lighter and less paste-like than, say, Campbell’s, and when combined with lots of ice, made for a rather bright and easily drinkable cocktail.  After all, no one wants heavy, salty, pasty cocktails in ninety degree heat.

By increasing the amount of lime juice and using a better than average tomato juice, the fine cocktail peddling establishments of Puerto Vallarta have transformed what could have been a very bad poolside drink into a lighter, more refreshing  and more suitable version of itself.  2.5 Celery Stalks.

Secrets Vallarta Bay Resort & Spa
Vista Vallarta Golf Club
Wings Puerto Vallarta Airport

I affectionately call it “The Delta Mix.”  Mr. and Mrs. T’s, two Skyy vodka minis and a lime wedge, if you’re lucky.  And on this day, I was lucky.  On an 8:00 am flight bound for Portland, Oregon, I found myself not only upgraded to business class but, more importantly, with a lime in my bloody mary.  You see, I appreciate an upgrade, but what I really appreciate is a piece of history.  Let me explain.

On its own, Mr. and Mrs. T’s just is what it is: salty and thick with a bit of spice, in need of plenty of ice and, of course, plenty of vodka.  So as that cart approaches, ask for two vodkas with your mix and if the stars are aligned, you’ll be presented with the magical ingredient needed to solidify the concoction that is The Delta Mix—lime.  You see, lime is the key here.  It brightens, it freshens, it cuts through the sludgy saltiness that is Mr. and Mrs. T’s and, as you will soon see, it has come to represent that bygone era of flying in style.  Hand cut lime wedges, lofted upon a bright red bloody, beckons a time when flying was not just a matter of getting from one locale to another, but rather a matter of truly jet setting.  Friendly attendants, free meals, enjoying a ciggie in the back of the plane, it beckons a time when friends and family bid you farewell at the gate, greeted you upon arrival and, if you can recall such an era, a time when we did not sigh at the thought of airport security.  Yes, this is the magic of lime.  It reminds us to enjoy the little things.

So although flying “just isn’t what it used to be,” I know that each time I reach for The Delta Mix, it will stand the test of 35,000 feet, serving not only as a stress-easing cocktail but also a reminder that flying can still be glamorous, if you know where to look.

Three Celery Stalks.

I like hockey games.  I like the fights, the fans, the overpriced beers and the loud sounds of sticks, pucks and body slams.  I like soft baked pretzels with nacho cheese, and I especially like the long time tradition of pre-game drinks.  So before a recent Anaheim Ducks game, I made my way to a restaurant not far from the Honda Center for some happy hour nosh and a pre-game cocktail.

Now as the name might suggest, The Pint House specializes in beer.  Offering an “upscale restaurant style pub” with a bevy of brews, the menu contains your typical plethora of fried foods, fancy burgers and a rotating list of too many beers to choose from.  But for my purposes, the beers had to be put on hold for another day.  The Bavarian salted soft pretzels with made to order béchamel cheese sauce accompanied by “The 13th Floor” bloody mary was a dream combination come true.

The bloody is described as follows:

The Pint House version of a Bloody Mary, but not for the faint at heart!  Ketel One Vodka with Dan’s secret 13-ingredient tomato mix, squeeze of lime, garnished with lime and green olives, then served over ice in a gold & black salt-rimmed pint glass.

Providing more description than is usually found for bloody mary menu items, I was pleasantly surprised and quite thankful for the highly accurate information.  As promised, this fiery bloody reached the upper limits of my spiciness capacity while still managing to provide a sweet, lingering after taste.  Heavy on the pepper with a savory, smoky flavor, the bloody was reminiscent of chipotle flavored Tabasco but with a slight citrusy brightness.  The Ketel One vodka was a welcomed and much appreciated addition not typically found in your average pub bloody, and together with my deliciously baked soft pretzels, I was thoroughly prepared for the game.

For its 13th Floor bloody mary, The Pint House earns 3.5 Celery Stalks.

The Pint House
1547 West Katella Avenue Suite 102, Orange, California 92867.  T: (714) 633-7468.

This past weekend, while much of the country was enveloped by cold, rain or snow, I had the pleasure of experiencing California’s beautiful, sunny coastline.  A night of camping near San Clemente included a three mile round trip hike to Trestles Beach followed by copious amounts of beer, s’mores and hot buttered rums.  But after so many sweets and so much physical exertion, I was ready to partake in the savory, restorative goodness of a bloody mary.

For such a feat, I enlisted The Fisherman’s Restaurant and Bar.  Situated at the base of San Clemente Pier, Fisherman’s offers a restaurant and separate bar space, each with prime views of waves, surfers and pier going folk.  If you decide to sit outside, which you should, be prepared for fresh ocean air, wonderful people watching and, for better or worse, waves crashing directly beneath your seat.  I’m not the biggest fan of open water, but the cocktails help allay my fears.  So on to the bloodys.

The Fisherman’s Bloody Mary features their “own special Mary mix and vodka” for a solid $6.50.  Arriving in a salt rimmed, pint sized glass, it included large wedges of lemon and lime, two standard bar olives and a fresh celery stalk.  The mix was sweet with just a bit of spice, something quickly remedied by the bottle of Tabasco left at our table.  A squeeze of the lemon and lime livened up the drink and the fresh pepper bits provided a nice touch.  At the very affordable price of $6.50 a pint, I promptly ordered two and took my sweet time taking in the SoCal beach experience.

For its bargain bloody mary on the beach, Fisherman’s Restaurant earns Three Celery Stalks.

The Fisherman’s Restaurant & Bar
611 Avenida Victoria, San Clemente, California 92672.  T: (949) 498-6390.

The Buzzed Assassin is back again.  Now, where did the Assassin get to this time?  Well, friends, the truth of the matter is that I cannot tell you the whole truth.  But I will say this: from time to time, even the best of us must take a moment to return to basics, to refocus our energies and to go through the training necessary to keep our livers in fine, liquor-processing shape.  A well trained Assassin is an effective Assassin, one willing and able to take on the burden of filtering the bad Bloodys from the good.  Now, with that refocusing and retraining time past, the Assassin once again goes forth, ready to strike down cocktails at a moment’s notice.

For my return to the Tomato and her tomato, horseradish and vodka scene, I decided to brunch with a few friends at a location I had been meaning to try for a while: Plein Sud.  Since June 2010, Plein Sud has been ensconced in the ground floor of the Smyth Tribeca, adding a French brasserie dining option for guests of the Thompson Hotels’ Tribeca location and for those who happen to walk by the intersection of Chambers and West Broadway.  Possessing a farm-like rustic decor, the restaurant seemed bright and inviting when we first arrived, and the cheery staff seconded that feeling.  After being seated, the Assassin and his party were able to quickly peruse the brunch offerings, which ranged from standards (such as the steak and eggs variant that the Assassin ordered) to some not so standards (such as the Decadent Pancakes, which the Assassin will get to momentarily).  We made note of our food orders and proceeded to the cocktails.  I quickly noted the presence of a Bloody Mary, a Bull Shot and a Bloody Bull.  The Bloody Bull, for those not in the know, is like the child of a Bloody Mary and Bull Shot.  Beef bouillon is derived from its Shot father, offering an extra savory ingredient to the tomato juice of its Mary mother.  The vodka and spicy ingredients, such as pepper or horseradish, are common to both and therefore round out the flavors of a Bloody Bull.  For those who would like to experience such a drink, take a look at the Assassin’s review of the Bloody Bull at Five Points.  But for this review, the Assassin decided to go with the classic Bloody Mary.

After a few minutes, my Mary arrived, and she was a rather classic beauty.  With visible pieces of horseradish, flecks of pepper in a nice, red bloom of tomato juice and a simple lime and olive garnish held in place by a bamboo pick, this Bloody certainly looked the part.  But would she taste similarly?  A first taste showed the Assassin that the tomato juice, while good, was a bit flat and not as full as he had hoped.  The horseradish and pepper both added a nice spicy kick without being overpowering, and the balance of the cocktail was good, not allowing the vodka, the spice or the tomato to take over the palate.  Overall, this made for a good, but not overly impressive, introduction to the Assassin’s brunch experience.

Now about those Decadent Pancakes: if you are the type of person who enjoys a sweet brunch dish, like one of the Assassin’s brunch mates this day, you can certainly not go wrong with this dish.  Three pancakes, Nutella, Chantilly cream and maple syrup made for a very cake like experience when the Assassin tried one bite.  While he could see the appeal, it is not his brunch taste, and certainly not with a savory cocktail.  The Assassin instead opted for a good, but not great, steak accompanied by some well-made, fluffy eggs, hash brown style home fries and a nice side salad.

For a perfectly acceptable Bloody Mary experience to go with a perfectly acceptable brunch, the Buzzed Assassin gives Plein Sud 3 Celery Stalks.

Plein Sud
85 West Broadway,  New York, New York 10007.  T: (212) 204-5555.

I love Las Vegas.  I love the bright lights, the big shows, the hope and despair, the people watching and the stench of stale cigarettes and cheap sex.  I love the black truffle everything, the sprawling buffets, the $17 martinis, the comped well drinks, and most of all, I love the orgy like sense of excess and overindulgence.

This past weekend, I had the pleasure of visiting this wondrous city.  So after a four hour drive through the windy, dusty desert, I emerged at a small but fruitful oasis known as Burger Bar.  Now I chose this delicious bastion of burgers as my first stop for two reasons: one, for their signature Burger Bar Bloody Mary, which features “Skyy Vodka Ginger Infusion, Bloody Mary mix, Tabasco, celery salt, black pepper, Worcestershire, garnished with fresh lime, blue cheese mousse stuffed olives, celery stick and a cherry tomato,” and two, so that The Celery Stalker could partake in the much touted Rossini Burger, described as “Kobe Style Wagyu Beef from Australia, sautéed foie gras and shaved truffles on an onion bun.”

After a short wait, we were seated at a table in the center of the room and quickly ordered our bloodys and burgers.  As a side note, I’d recommend sitting at one of the booths as they are each equipped with a small TV and also less prone to general restaurant traffic.  Our cocktails arrived in tall, sexy, celery salt rimmed glasses, garnished with a perfectly fresh celery stalk, a perfectly plump cherry tomato and two perfectly delicious blue cheese stuffed olives.  The first sip was quite sweet but with a strong Worcestershire after taste that lingered with the fiery spice.  The ginger infused vodka added an interesting twist that was not detectible in and of itself but rather a supporting accent of flavor.  Both intensely sweet and intensely savory, this bloody found a way to achieve balance while still reaching for the upper limits of spiciness.

As our burgers arrived, I also discovered how well they coupled with our bloodys, each bursting with a mélange of flavors.  For its signature sweet, savory and spicy bloody mary, Burger Bar earns Four Celery Stalks.

Rossini Burger

Post Script: While my carnivorous partner devoured his lavish prey, I, of course, ordered the Chef’s Veggie Burger, which I must say was absolutely delightful when paired with sides of truffle mayo and Black Perigord Truffle Sauce.  I just can’t say no to truffles.  As for the Rossini Burger, at $60, it will likely be a one time splurge, but a deliciously grandiose splurge at that.

Burger Bar
3930 S. Las Vegas Blvd #121A, Las Vegas, Nevada 89119.  T: (702) 632-9364.

Everyone needs “that bar.”  The bar that you don’t have to think about, the bar with that special bartender, the bar you start your night at before going to all the other bars—the default bar, your bar, that bar.  Whether it was the now defunct River City Saloon in Portland, High Dive in Brooklyn or Reservoir in the Village, I have always had that bar.

But since moving to the LA area, I haven’t been able to find that special place to call my own.  Perhaps it’s the sprawling nature of the city that forces us to drive everywhere, or perhaps it’s just that I’m still getting used to Southern California culture, but either way, I’m still on the hunt.   And though I haven’t found it just yet, I have found a very welcoming happy hour to tide me over.

Belmont Brewing Co. offers a generous happy hour that features specials every day of the week.

M-F: 4:30 to 6:30
50% OFF BAR APPETIZER MENU (Excludes Holidays)
HOUSE BEER $3.50 pints ~ $4.50 well ~ $10.00 pitchers
Every day: 8:30 to 10:30
$6.95 PIZZAS
HOUSE BEER $3.50 pints ~ $4.50 well ~ $10.00 pitchers
Sat-Sun: 2:00 to 5:00
HOUSE BEER $3.50 pints ~ $4.50 well ~ $10.00 pitchers

With big, wide windows overlooking the Belmont Pier, I enjoy sitting in the bar, watching all the beach happenings and devouring my half price appetizers.  I also enjoy imbibing their award winning brew house ales, and when the craving arrives, their bloody marys.  So after a long day of wedding planning activities, I knew exactly where to go to decompress.

A heavily celery salted rim meets a dolled up (what I think was) Tabasco brand bloody mary mix.  This mix was actually my go to brand for a short while.  Though quite salty and rather unremarkable by itself, it takes very well to your own additions, providing a good baseline to work from.  In this case, the added lemon and Worcestershire both brightened the drink and added depth of flavor to this pint sized cocktail.  The natural hint of spice from the mix rounded it out, resulting in a very drinkable, standard bar bloody mary, the kind that you could order three of and not think twice.

So while this isn’t the end of my search for “that bar,” it will more than do to pass the time, especially during happy hour.  For its very drinkable bloody mary with a view, Belmont Brewing Co. earns Three Celery Stalks.

Belmont Brewing Co.
25 39th Place, Long Beach, California 90803.  T: (562) 433-3891.

Before I consumed copious amounts of nacho cheese, beer and various carb filled foods, I set aside a very important part of my Superbowl Sunday morning to enjoy a nice, homemade bloody mary.  Now, I have heard that this is somewhat of a tradition for some.  I personally try to partake in my own bloody mary tradition every weekend, but I understand that this is a special occasion that requires a special kind of cocktail.  With interesting bloody mary inspired concoctions such as this “Man-in-Motion Michelada” and this “Vampira,” the traditional bloody mary gets kicked up a notch, often featuring Clamato in these game day creations.  But, to tell you the truth, I wasn’t so brave, and in any event, didn’t have any clam juice lying around.  So instead, I opted for a sure bet and cracked open a much appreciated Christmas present that I’d been saving for just such a special occasion.

Mixing two ounces of my trusty Russian Standard vodka to four ounces of Vintage Vine Premium Bloody Mary Mix, I prepared a bloody using what was literally the best all-around premade bloody mary mix that I have had to date.  The result was a deliciously pronounced, yet not gratuitous, super spicy bloody mary, veering on the edge of my taste bud limits.  Hot red pepper bits floated around my glass, colliding with the slightly sweet, slightly acidic tomato juice.  The addition of steak sauce, hot sauce and Worcestershire to the ingredient list, all vinegar heavy, provided a marked brightness and produced a fresh squeezed tomato juice flavor.  Managing to avoid all the major pitfalls of premade mixes (too salty, too heavy, too ketchup-y), this was everything I could ask for and more and also provided a good, refreshing, fiery start to my Superbowl Sunday.

For its complex flavor of sweet and spicy meets brightly acidic, Vintage Vine earns a notable (and the first one given) 5 Celery Stalks.

Post Script: The jar is super cute and the font is wildly cool.  This doesn’t impact taste, I know, but definitely worth mentioning.

Price: Consider yourself lucky if you live in Chicago (available at these fine establishments).  Otherwise, order direct from the Vintage Vine website.  1 jar: $12.99, 3 jars: $29.99, 6 jars: $49.99.

I received one or more of the products or services mentioned above for free in the hope that I would mention it on my blog. Regardless, I only recommend products or services I use personally and believe will be good for my readers. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

So I was on my way to a Halo 4 marathon.  Specifically, I was on my way to a non-stop, Let’s Play style video and audio group recording of Missions 5 through 8 of Halo 4.  I was getting short on my time in Portland and needed to squeeze in a few more bloodys before my return to sunny Southern California.  After scouring the internets for popular eastside destinations, I uncovered Slow Bar.

Touted by many as both divey and sexy (but not dirty, well, maybe “dirty,” but not grimy), Slow Bar offers a sophisticated yet affordable array of dinner items, the most notable being the Slow Burger, which consists of a 1/2lb. of Painted Hills natural beef, Gruyere, onion rings, butter lettuce and pickle relish.  I’ve heard good things, but I wasn’t there for the burger.  I was there for the bloody.

During happy hour, Monday through Friday 4-6:30pm, beer, wine and cocktails are $1 off.  I took advantage and ordered the House Infused Bloody Mary with Italian Tomato Vodka.  Normally $6.50, I reveled in the affordability of my happy hour cocktail.  It arrived in a salt rimmed pint sized glass garnished with a pepperoncini, two olives and a wedge each of lemon and lime.

Finest Call provided the base followed by a healthy addition of Tapatio, salt and pepper.  The Tapatio added a nice spicy burn, but the star of the show was the house infused Italian tomato vodka.  Bringing an unusual brightness, it elevated what would have been a rather dull, generic, tomato paste, Finest Call mix flavor to a more authentic fresh tomato flavor reminiscent of sun dried tomatoes. This trickery was both interesting and inventive, and left me surprised at the ease with which they transformed a standard bar mix into something on the verge of tasting freshly squeezed.

For its affordable, divey meets sexy House Infused Bloody Mary, Slow Bar earns 3.5 Celery Stalks.

Slow Bar
533 Southeast Grand Avenue, Portland, Oregon 97214.  T: (503) 230-7767.

Recently, I was lucky enough to get my hands on a bottle of Willie’s Hog Dust Original Bloody Mix.  I was also equally as lucky to get my hands on a big ass jar of spicy, pickled Willie Beans.  You see, Willie’s Hog Dust is not just a clever brand name; it also shares its name with the owner himself.  As a self-proclaimed BBQ evangelist, Willie delivers all natural, preservative free, MSG free and gluten free products, including various rubs, sauces and mixes.  The bloody mary mix itself also boasts freshly juiced tomatoes, carrots, beets, peppers and celery and manages to leave behind the often found high fructose corn syrup.  Add in some Willie’s Hog Dust Spice Blend for seasoning and you have yourself an original Willie creation.

But how does it taste?  In a word, veg.  Imagine your own home made, home juiced basket of fresh veg mixed with a salty bloody counterpart.  Thick with just a hint of spice, this mix relies heavily on its textural substance.  Almost viscous in nature, I cannot over emphasize the amount of veg jam packed into this 32 oz. bottle.  So V-8 lovers, beware.  This may be your new go to mix.  I personally prefer a bit more acidity in a much thinner bloody mary, but a squeeze of lemon and a dash of Willie Bean brine add just that.  Which brings me to the Willie Beans.

I enjoyed the preservative free, tomato paste free, full on veg of the mix, but I very, very much enjoyed the spicy, pickled green beans.  They are a garnish worthy of any bloody mary, and as I mentioned before, adding just a bit of the juice provides a wonderful acidity to your home made bloody.  Currently, Willie is also offering a very special combo pack that includes not only the Spicy Bloody Mix and Spicy Willie Beans but also a nice jar of Special Recipe Spicy Okra.  I recently experienced a pickled okra garnished bloody mary at Screen Door in Portland, Oregon, and it was fantastic (review coming soon).

For its thick, veg filled Original Bloody Mix, Willie’s Hog Dust earns 3 Celery Stalks.

I received one or more of the products or services mentioned above for free in the hope that I would mention it on my blog. Regardless, I only recommend products or services I use personally and believe will be good for my readers. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”