Oregon

Slow Bar. House Infused Delicious Trickery.

by The Drunken Tomato on January 17, 2013

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in 3.5 Celery Stalks, Oregon

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So I was on my way to a Halo 4 marathon.  Specifically, I was on my way to a non-stop, Let’s Play style video and audio group recording of Missions 5 through 8 of Halo 4.  I was getting short on my time in Portland and needed to squeeze in a few more bloodys before [...]

About The Drunken Tomato

With reckless abandon, I travel the world drunkenly imbibing bloody marys from the darkest corner bars to the brightest outdoor cafes, in search of this magnificant cocktail. I do this not so that I may gain the knowledge of but a fractional piece of the bloody mary pie, but rather, I do this so that my experiences can hopefully one day inspire you to continue on with this quest. I understand it is the journey that fulfills us. And for me, that journey lies within my epic crusade for the ultimate bloody mary.

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Tasty n Sons. Sufferin’ Shakshuka!

by The Celery Stalker on November 17, 2012

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in 3.5 Celery Stalks, Oregon

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I’ve always said I learned more life lessons from Looney Tunes than from any of my childhood school years.  For example, do not trust advertising.  Those damn ACME products never helped Wile E. Coyote catch that delicious looking Road Runner.  Also, if someone looks and sounds a little too sweet and innocent, you better watch [...]

About The Celery Stalker

My dearest future Mrs. Celery Stalker (currently Miss Bloody Mary), I want you to know how important you are to me. Your flowing celery leaflets and glistening fruit juices drive me wild. And I often lose myself just thinking about consuming your every last drop. If you do not believe me, allow me to show you my shrine of the many high resolution pictures I have taken in your honor. I also want you to know that I will always protect you from the evils of the world, such as bottled mixes and overwhelming horseradish. You will never have to fear such horrendous evils, as I am skilled in the fine art of celery spearing. But every time we say goodbye I fear you will forget me. Please know that I will never forget you. From your barest form to your most elaborate dressings, every element you add to yourself is recorded in my mind, and I recall these images more frequently than you could imagine. I want to know you, my dearest Bloody Mary. I want to experience you in every corner of the world and maybe even take you to one of those risqué build your own bloody mary bars. Oh how delightfully sinful that would be! But please understand this. We are made for each other. Wherever you are, I will find you. I will endlessly pursue you and you will be mine. Don’t try and fight it. I cherish your salty rim. And I wait for the day we can be together again. Always yours, The Celery Stalker

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The Gilt Club. Unique and Unexpected.

by The Drunken Tomato on November 5, 2012

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in 3 Celery Stalks, Oregon

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In a word, they are frenemies: that interesting class of people who enter our lives as both a welcome and exceedingly annoying challenge.  They bring adventure (read drama), debate (read agitation) and, in an odd turn of events, sometimes they even bring support through their unhinging opposition. And it was just such a meeting with [...]

About The Drunken Tomato

With reckless abandon, I travel the world drunkenly imbibing bloody marys from the darkest corner bars to the brightest outdoor cafes, in search of this magnificant cocktail. I do this not so that I may gain the knowledge of but a fractional piece of the bloody mary pie, but rather, I do this so that my experiences can hopefully one day inspire you to continue on with this quest. I understand it is the journey that fulfills us. And for me, that journey lies within my epic crusade for the ultimate bloody mary.

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Kenny & Zuke’s. Carpe Diem.

by The Garnish Gobbler on October 29, 2012

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in 3.5 Celery Stalks, Oregon

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When the Drunken Tomato comes to town, misadventures just happen.  It is a fact of life I have come to accept, cherish, and even relish.  And of course, misadventures beg recovery.  So it came to pass that she and I arrived at Kenny & Zuke’s in downtown Portland, a bit after the breakfast hour. We [...]

About The Garnish Gobbler

For him, it is not a quest or mission. There isn’t a higher calling, a divine purpose behind his actions. He simply enjoys drinking and writing. And why shouldn’t he? Armed with nothing but thirst and brutal honesty, the Garnish Gobbler sets forth to join our team of misfits on their drunken misadventures. Though not seeking anything specific, he knows when he has found a good thing, and will let the world know. When not drinking Bloodies, he throws back whiskey, and continues to write. His personal blog is full of musings, stories, and general frustration. Read it here .

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Tasty n Sons. Wonderful Whiskey.

by The Garnish Gobbler on October 9, 2012

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in 4 Celery Stalks, Oregon

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On Sundays, before you go home and really evaluate your decisions of the night, before the fog clears from your head revealing all that has happened to the light of day, there is the time honored tradition of brunch and bloodys.  This past weekend, at nine in the morning, the sun barely beginning to warm [...]

About The Garnish Gobbler

For him, it is not a quest or mission. There isn’t a higher calling, a divine purpose behind his actions. He simply enjoys drinking and writing. And why shouldn’t he? Armed with nothing but thirst and brutal honesty, the Garnish Gobbler sets forth to join our team of misfits on their drunken misadventures. Though not seeking anything specific, he knows when he has found a good thing, and will let the world know. When not drinking Bloodies, he throws back whiskey, and continues to write. His personal blog is full of musings, stories, and general frustration. Read it here .

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Genies Cafe. A Beacon of Vodka Infused Light.

by The Celery Stalker on June 26, 2012

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in 4.5 Celery Stalks, Oregon

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As The Celery Stalker and The Drunken Tomato continued their quest for the ultimate bloody mary, they came upon a beacon of vodka infused light as they entered Genies Cafe in Portland, Oregon.  What follows is a recount of their first impressions as they quenched their thirst for the ultimate savory cocktail. The Celery Stalker: [...]

About The Celery Stalker

My dearest future Mrs. Celery Stalker (currently Miss Bloody Mary), I want you to know how important you are to me. Your flowing celery leaflets and glistening fruit juices drive me wild. And I often lose myself just thinking about consuming your every last drop. If you do not believe me, allow me to show you my shrine of the many high resolution pictures I have taken in your honor. I also want you to know that I will always protect you from the evils of the world, such as bottled mixes and overwhelming horseradish. You will never have to fear such horrendous evils, as I am skilled in the fine art of celery spearing. But every time we say goodbye I fear you will forget me. Please know that I will never forget you. From your barest form to your most elaborate dressings, every element you add to yourself is recorded in my mind, and I recall these images more frequently than you could imagine. I want to know you, my dearest Bloody Mary. I want to experience you in every corner of the world and maybe even take you to one of those risqué build your own bloody mary bars. Oh how delightfully sinful that would be! But please understand this. We are made for each other. Wherever you are, I will find you. I will endlessly pursue you and you will be mine. Don’t try and fight it. I cherish your salty rim. And I wait for the day we can be together again. Always yours, The Celery Stalker

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Mother’s Bistro & Bar. Bloody Mary Perfection.

by The Drunken Tomato on June 7, 2012

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in 4.5 Celery Stalks, Oregon

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He’s a tall glass of water.  A goofy faced 6’ 4”, he walks with a waddle-like limp and a floppy head of hair.  A memorable writer, a man of complexities, a man with a refreshingly honest rant; his words are emotional jabs at a convoluted world.  And he’s charming, too. On a rare sunny day [...]

About The Drunken Tomato

With reckless abandon, I travel the world drunkenly imbibing bloody marys from the darkest corner bars to the brightest outdoor cafes, in search of this magnificant cocktail. I do this not so that I may gain the knowledge of but a fractional piece of the bloody mary pie, but rather, I do this so that my experiences can hopefully one day inspire you to continue on with this quest. I understand it is the journey that fulfills us. And for me, that journey lies within my epic crusade for the ultimate bloody mary.

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Sweet Betty’s Bistro. Bloody Betty, Bloody Bad.

by The Drunken Tomato on January 6, 2012

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in 1 Celery Stalk, Oregon

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I take my job seriously.  And by job, I mean drinking a whole lot of bloody marys and writing about it.  And by seriously, I mean drunkenly.  But back to the point.  I take my job seriously.  So when I get served a bloody mary straight out of a store bought jug of Mr. and [...]

About The Drunken Tomato

With reckless abandon, I travel the world drunkenly imbibing bloody marys from the darkest corner bars to the brightest outdoor cafes, in search of this magnificant cocktail. I do this not so that I may gain the knowledge of but a fractional piece of the bloody mary pie, but rather, I do this so that my experiences can hopefully one day inspire you to continue on with this quest. I understand it is the journey that fulfills us. And for me, that journey lies within my epic crusade for the ultimate bloody mary.

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