I’ve always said I learned more life lessons from Looney Tunes than from any of my childhood school years.  For example, do not trust advertising.  Those damn ACME products never helped Wile E. Coyote catch that delicious looking Road Runner.  Also, if someone looks and sounds a little too sweet and innocent, you better watch out.  Tweety Bird was one ruthless SOB (son of a bird)!  No wonder Sylvester the Cat was always screaming “Sufferin’ Succotash.”

I guess it’s more like “Thufferin’ Thuccotash!”  Poor ol’ putty tat.

So when I recall my visit to Tasty n Sons in Portland, Oregon, I, for some reason, cannot help but think about Looney Tunes.  Mind you, this has nothing to do with the food, service or atmosphere.  I just somehow formed a connection in my brain between sufferin’ succotash and Shakshuka, a popular Middle Eastern breakfast dish.  I first encountered Shakshuka at Tasty n Sons and promptly devoured the scrumptious combination of red pepper and tomato stew with baked eggs, and of course I added the optional merguez sausage, too.  I knew Sylvester the Cat always exclaimed “Sufferin’ Succotash” in annoyance, but after researching the saying for this post, I learned the phrase is actually a euphemism of the phrase “Suffering Savior,” which was considered a profanity to certain religious types (see Looney Tunes is always teaching me).  So just to be clear, I’m using this “profanity” in a positive way, as in, holy sufferin’ Shakshuka, that was good.

And on to the bloody mary.  Tasty n Sons has a variety of interesting bloody mary options (check out The Garnish Gobbler’s recent visit).  I chose the Dim Summore Mary, described as “monopolowa vodka, tomato, hoisin, lime, sriracha, ginger.”  As one might guess, this is an Asian inspired bloody.  It starts with tomato juice and vodka, which is a good starting point, but what makes it interesting is that the typical Worcestershire is replaced with hoisin and the Tabasco is replaced with Sriracha.  The combination of hoisin and Sriracha not only worked well together but also worked well with the rest of the bloody mary.  All the ingredients tasted of good quality and balanced nicely to make for a surprisingly refreshing drink.  The drink was garnished with a lime and a piece of candied ginger (yum!) and made for a wonderful accompaniment to my Shakshuka.  For creativity and taste, Tasty n Sons Dim Summore Mary earns 3.5 stalks (and I’ll have summore, please).

Tasty n Sons
3808 North Williams Avenue, Portland, Oregon 97212. T: (503) 621-1400.

About The Celery Stalker

My dearest future Mrs. Celery Stalker (currently Miss Bloody Mary), I want you to know how important you are to me. Your flowing celery leaflets and glistening fruit juices drive me wild. And I often lose myself just thinking about consuming your every last drop. If you do not believe me, allow me to show you my shrine of the many high resolution pictures I have taken in your honor. I also want you to know that I will always protect you from the evils of the world, such as bottled mixes and overwhelming horseradish. You will never have to fear such horrendous evils, as I am skilled in the fine art of celery spearing. But every time we say goodbye I fear you will forget me. Please know that I will never forget you. From your barest form to your most elaborate dressings, every element you add to yourself is recorded in my mind, and I recall these images more frequently than you could imagine. I want to know you, my dearest Bloody Mary. I want to experience you in every corner of the world and maybe even take you to one of those risqué build your own bloody mary bars. Oh how delightfully sinful that would be! But please understand this. We are made for each other. Wherever you are, I will find you. I will endlessly pursue you and you will be mine. Don’t try and fight it. I cherish your salty rim. And I wait for the day we can be together again. Always yours, The Celery Stalker

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As the 4^th of July approaches, it seems fitting to reflect on the traditions of this country and its people.  Of course it’s appropriate to think about things like freedom, fireworks and Will Smith, but what we really embrace on the 4^th of July is eating and drinking.  One of my favorite aspects of the American food culture is brunch.  A truly American brunch consists of large portions of food often served with a  liquid “appetizer” (sometimes a mimosa, but in my case, the bloody mary).

Using that as my working definition, I couldn’t find a brunch more fitting, patriotic or American than the brunch at Hash House A Go Go.  This small chain restaurant prides itself on utilizing their “experience with farm fresh agriculture, livestock, and old recipes with a twist.”  And it’s the perfect stop for an all American brunch.

Let’s start with the food.  After being seated at the bar with The Drunken Tomato, I started to peruse the large menu, full of what looked to be a quite diverse and appealing list of entree options.  As I scrolled down the menu, my eyes locked onto one particular item.  I promptly stopped reading, set my menu down, took a deep breath and waited impatiently to order.  This special item was the Sage Fried Chicken and Waffles with a maple reduction, fried leeks and bacon cooked into the waffle.  That’s right, bacon cooked INTO the waffle.  It was literally a bacon waffle fried chicken Tower of Babel with a rosemary stalk reaching out to the brunch gods.  The bacon waffles with maple reduction were wonderful.  The fried leeks were incredible.  Unfortunately, the fried chicken was somewhat lacking in seasoning, in my opinion, but all in all, a good time was had by all (me, my mouth and my belly).  Consider my belly busted by the end of the meal.

Now to the “meat” of the matter: the bloody mary!  I have enjoyed a few BLT bloodys in my time but, you guys! this was like literally a BLT (please forgive my valley girl language, but I was just like totally excited for this drink).  Let’s break this down.  Bacon?  Check.  Lettuce?  Check.  Tomato?  Check for both the juice and the garnish.  It was even served with a slice of some quite tasty toast.  The presentation alone showed that this was going to be a serious drink.  Upon first sip, it was evident that some diligent effort had been taken in constructing this bloody.  The jalapeño infused bacon had the sweet smokiness of bacon accompanied by a nice jalapeño kick, but what I appreciated most about the bacon was that it was folded in half, leaving the majority of the bacon outside of the tomato juice to prevent any sogginess; a brilliant move not always taken.  The vodka was pleasingly prevalent and the tomato juice was spicy without being overly reliant on horseradish.  Overall, the drink was full bodied and felt very complete.  So, if you’re looking to embrace the great American brunch, look no further than drinking a bloody mary, through a very American (read: very large) straw, at Hash House A Go Go.  4.5 Celery Stalks.

Post Script:  Being that we are equal opportunity alcohol consumers here at the Drunken Tomato, it is worth mentioning one other boozy brunch offering.  Possibly the most patriotic item on the menu, the O’Hare of the dog consists of a 24 oz Budweiser served in a brown paper bag and a side of bacon.  Now, that’s a Sunday Morning fit for a true American.  Happy 4^th of July!

Hash House A Go Go.
6800 West Sahara Avenue  Las Vegas, Nevada 89146.  T: (702) 804-4646.
Additional locations in Las Vegas, San Diego and Chicago.

About The Celery Stalker

My dearest future Mrs. Celery Stalker (currently Miss Bloody Mary), I want you to know how important you are to me. Your flowing celery leaflets and glistening fruit juices drive me wild. And I often lose myself just thinking about consuming your every last drop. If you do not believe me, allow me to show you my shrine of the many high resolution pictures I have taken in your honor. I also want you to know that I will always protect you from the evils of the world, such as bottled mixes and overwhelming horseradish. You will never have to fear such horrendous evils, as I am skilled in the fine art of celery spearing. But every time we say goodbye I fear you will forget me. Please know that I will never forget you. From your barest form to your most elaborate dressings, every element you add to yourself is recorded in my mind, and I recall these images more frequently than you could imagine. I want to know you, my dearest Bloody Mary. I want to experience you in every corner of the world and maybe even take you to one of those risqué build your own bloody mary bars. Oh how delightfully sinful that would be! But please understand this. We are made for each other. Wherever you are, I will find you. I will endlessly pursue you and you will be mine. Don’t try and fight it. I cherish your salty rim. And I wait for the day we can be together again. Always yours, The Celery Stalker

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As The Celery Stalker and The Drunken Tomato continued their quest for the ultimate bloody mary, they came upon a beacon of vodka infused light as they entered Genies Cafe in Portland, Oregon.  What follows is a recount of their first impressions as they quenched their thirst for the ultimate savory cocktail.

The Celery Stalker:

I remember my first time, how skeptical I was, how unusual I found the whole concept, the anticipation I felt just before.   Yes, my first time drinking vodka infused with savory ingredients was quite memorable.  I was relatively new to the world of non-Kool-Aid (Purplesaurus Rex was my favorite).  Most of my alcoholic drinks to this point had been included in some sort of sugary mixer (Soda, Kahlua, or fruit juices).  But luckily for me, a knowledgeable friend introduced me to something new at a certain Russian vodka bar in NYC.  I experienced numerous vodka infusions that were all wonderful, but the horseradish infused vodka is what I left thinking about.  This experience opened my eyes to a whole new world of cocktails.  The new world?  Cocktails that could be enjoyed with savory ingredients, the most important of these being the bloody mary.

So I was happy to find out that Genies Café in Portland, Oregon serves up some of the finest vodka infused bloody marys that a boy could ask for.  It’s tough to choose just one, but I settled on the cucumber dill infused vodka served with Genies Mary Mix.  I have been on quite the dill kick lately, so this was a home run for me.  The cleanness of the cucumber balanced nicely with the dill, a combination reminiscent of homemade pickles.  This natural combination also fit well with Genies Mary Mix, which was very good, refreshing like a tomato should be and full of flavor.  On a bloody mary scale of admiration, I must say that I loved this bloody mary and can’t wait to try even more of their vodka infusions.  4.5 Celery Stalks.

The Drunken Tomato:

All I have to say is, “fucking delicious.”  Balanced but spicy, fresh and topped with all the right garnishes*, this bloody mary blew my mind.  Don’t even think twice, don’t even finish reading this review, stop everything right now because you need this bloody in your life.  The only question you need to answer is which of the thirteen house infused vodkas you’d like with your bloody mary.  I managed to get my hands on three (yes, I really just couldn’t stop): the garlic was fantastically garlicky, the cucumber dill added a refreshing coolness and the rosemary, well, just really tasted like rosemary.  My only note to you is that these infusions are strong.  Get a flavor you like and enjoy one of the best bloody marys of your life.  4.5 Celery Stalks.

*All the right garnishes: celery, lime, lemon, pepperoncini, cherry pepper, olive.

 Genies Cafe.
1101 SE Division, Portland, OR 97202.  P: (503) 445-9777.

About The Celery Stalker

My dearest future Mrs. Celery Stalker (currently Miss Bloody Mary), I want you to know how important you are to me. Your flowing celery leaflets and glistening fruit juices drive me wild. And I often lose myself just thinking about consuming your every last drop. If you do not believe me, allow me to show you my shrine of the many high resolution pictures I have taken in your honor. I also want you to know that I will always protect you from the evils of the world, such as bottled mixes and overwhelming horseradish. You will never have to fear such horrendous evils, as I am skilled in the fine art of celery spearing. But every time we say goodbye I fear you will forget me. Please know that I will never forget you. From your barest form to your most elaborate dressings, every element you add to yourself is recorded in my mind, and I recall these images more frequently than you could imagine. I want to know you, my dearest Bloody Mary. I want to experience you in every corner of the world and maybe even take you to one of those risqué build your own bloody mary bars. Oh how delightfully sinful that would be! But please understand this. We are made for each other. Wherever you are, I will find you. I will endlessly pursue you and you will be mine. Don’t try and fight it. I cherish your salty rim. And I wait for the day we can be together again. Always yours, The Celery Stalker

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Growing up in the Portland, Oregon suburb of Gresham, I was not afforded many opportunities to partake in obscure, yet traditional, foods such as the French delicacy, foie gras.  My food upbringing was fairly traditional 1980s/90s American fare; i.e. chicken casseroles, tomato based pastas, ground beef “Mexican” and the occasional visit to the local pizzeria.  As a kid given the option of eating animal organs, I would have rather stepped on a Lego brick, which let’s be honest, is about the worst pain you can imagine.

You look so innocent Mr. Lego Brick.  I am no fool, though!
I see your sharp corners,how you cleverly sit and wait for the unsuspecting bare foot.

But at the ripe old age of 19, I had my first encounter with foie gras of the pâté variety.  Though I admit I was a bit scared to be eating a mousse made out of duck liver, I found the taste to be interesting and somehow similar to cheese.  So over the next six or seven years, I became progressively more ambitious and open minded to the foods I was eating, eventually culminating in the day I first tasted seared foie gras.  Majestically served with sautéed mushrooms, a fried egg, and red wine sauce on brioche bread, that day will go down as one of the greatest days in the history of my mouth.  Since then, of course, I have had a love affair with the luxurious, rich and buttery magic that is foie gras.  Now here comes the bloody mary.

Fig Restaurant in Santa Monica, California, has become well-known for their brunch time bloodys (see DT’s review of Fig’s House Mary here).  From the bacon rimmed bloody maria to the tomato-watermelon mary, one might very well have a difficult time choosing from such an interesting list of variations.  But given my love of foie gras, I knew exactly what I would be ordering well before I arrived for brunch: The Foie Mary, described only as Belvedere Vodka, Foie Gras, V8.

Vodka, V8 and Foie Gras?  Okay!  Let’s do this!

Now obviously the vodka was good.  So the real treat was the V8 emulsified with a foie gras mousse, a mixture that gave this bloody mary a sort of enjoyable pungency.  The tomato juice tasted fresh, not at all like V8, so I imagine the chef behind Fig’s Bloody Mary Bar, Ray Garcia, has dolled it up in some fashion.  I want to know his secrets!  But my absolute favorite part of this bloody was the foie gras stuffed olives.  As a meat lover and a foie gras fanatic, I couldn’t have asked for much more in a garnish.  An interesting and tasty variation of the classic bloody mary, Fig’s Foie Mary gets high marks for creativity, taste and quality.  4.5 celery stalks.

P.S. For those about to try the Foie Mary, we salute you… wait, no; I mean you better hurry (In California, Going All Out to Bid Adieu to Foie Gras.  New York Times.)!

Delicious!

FIG Restaurant.  101 Wilshire Blvd, Santa Monica, CA 90401.  P: (310) 319-3111.

About The Celery Stalker

My dearest future Mrs. Celery Stalker (currently Miss Bloody Mary), I want you to know how important you are to me. Your flowing celery leaflets and glistening fruit juices drive me wild. And I often lose myself just thinking about consuming your every last drop. If you do not believe me, allow me to show you my shrine of the many high resolution pictures I have taken in your honor. I also want you to know that I will always protect you from the evils of the world, such as bottled mixes and overwhelming horseradish. You will never have to fear such horrendous evils, as I am skilled in the fine art of celery spearing. But every time we say goodbye I fear you will forget me. Please know that I will never forget you. From your barest form to your most elaborate dressings, every element you add to yourself is recorded in my mind, and I recall these images more frequently than you could imagine. I want to know you, my dearest Bloody Mary. I want to experience you in every corner of the world and maybe even take you to one of those risqué build your own bloody mary bars. Oh how delightfully sinful that would be! But please understand this. We are made for each other. Wherever you are, I will find you. I will endlessly pursue you and you will be mine. Don’t try and fight it. I cherish your salty rim. And I wait for the day we can be together again. Always yours, The Celery Stalker

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In my mind, there is no better breakfast food than a good slab of fatty hog.  Yes.  Bacon!  Just saying the word brings back memories of that smoky, salty, juicy crunch that is… Bacon!  Queue Homer Simpson salivating noise…mmmm.

So it should be no surprise that my other favorite breakfast/brunch item is the bloody mary.  And seeing that Jake’s in Palm Springs serves a bacon bloody mary, well, I couldn’t be happier.  What better way to start the day than with two of my favorite breakfast items combined to form one ultimate dose of brunch heaven.  Now upon delivery to my table, the first thing I noticed was a whole slice of cooked bacon in place of the typical celery stalk.  I loved this.  Stirring a bloody mary with bacon feels awesome.  Trust me.  Sort of like I was playing with my food, like dipping a french fry into a chocolate milk shake (you know you’ve done it).  But it should be noted that I didn’t find the bacon garnish to be perfect.  One of my favorite aspects of properly cooked bacon is texture and used as a garnish in a bloody mary naturally turned that satisfying crunch into a somewhat soggy chew.  So while this did negatively impact my enjoyment of the bacon, the fact that I had a bacon garnish far outweighed that characteristic.

Now for the rest of the bloody mary.  The bloody mary was good.  I enjoyed the tomato juice.  The vodka was infused with bacon and each bacon flavored sip was excellent.  It added a certain smokiness to the cocktail.  Not a flavor I would want in my bloody mary every day, but definitely something I would enjoy periodically.  As far as weak points, I would have preferred more citrus.  The rim of the glass was also salted, and I felt that drinking straight from the glass, compounded with salty bacon vodka, salty tomato juice and a salty bacon garnish, yielded a bloody mary that was just far too salty (but I suppose this is why the salt is on the rim and it’s served with a straw).  The horseradish, which may have been wasabi, was also much too strong.

Overall, I enjoyed this bloody mary very much.  The bacon garnish gives it high marks in the presentation department.  The tomato juice was fresh, which was much appreciated, and the bacon infused vodka was very nice.  However, the cocktail did have some balance issues in the citrus/salt/horseradish departments.  Three and a half celery stalks.

  Jake’s.  664 North Palm Canyon Drive, Palm Springs, CA 92262-5557.  P: (760) 327-4400.

About The Celery Stalker

My dearest future Mrs. Celery Stalker (currently Miss Bloody Mary), I want you to know how important you are to me. Your flowing celery leaflets and glistening fruit juices drive me wild. And I often lose myself just thinking about consuming your every last drop. If you do not believe me, allow me to show you my shrine of the many high resolution pictures I have taken in your honor. I also want you to know that I will always protect you from the evils of the world, such as bottled mixes and overwhelming horseradish. You will never have to fear such horrendous evils, as I am skilled in the fine art of celery spearing. But every time we say goodbye I fear you will forget me. Please know that I will never forget you. From your barest form to your most elaborate dressings, every element you add to yourself is recorded in my mind, and I recall these images more frequently than you could imagine. I want to know you, my dearest Bloody Mary. I want to experience you in every corner of the world and maybe even take you to one of those risqué build your own bloody mary bars. Oh how delightfully sinful that would be! But please understand this. We are made for each other. Wherever you are, I will find you. I will endlessly pursue you and you will be mine. Don’t try and fight it. I cherish your salty rim. And I wait for the day we can be together again. Always yours, The Celery Stalker

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Phoenix, Arizona. In town for some celerystalker business (not as creepy as it sounds, I swear). Work responsibilities were finished by 2 o’clock and a Friday afternoon bloody mary was most certainly in order before the flight back to la la land. After some quick research, I found myself at a place called Dick’s Hideaway. Dick’s is located in a stripmall-esque row of establishments. As the name implies (Hideaway, not the Dick’s part), from the street, there is literally no evidence of its existence among the surrounding businesses. This is a place for people in the know who are looking for quality and seclusion. And that’s definitely my kind of joint. Upon entering, I am struck by the rich smell of pecan wood smoke from the wood burning stove. Like stepping into a cozy cabin in the dead of winter. I am here for the bloody mary though. I sit at the bar and order a bloody mary from the attentive and friendly barkeep. She prepares the bloody mary with care and serves it with a small beer chaser. For some reason, I really enjoy a nice glass of beer with my bloody mary. One might even say I was giddy inside. Either way, I was definitely looking forward to this one.

The Bloody Mary. First reaction? This is a good one! It’s cold, thick, spicy and above all, extremely well balanced. No one ingredient feels heavier than the others. The tomato juice is quality. The spiciness is from hot sauce and it is good. I can taste the Worcestershire, horseradish, lime juice and a generous amount of cracked pepper. This is exactly the bloody mary I would want to drink daily. A refreshing, nourishing blend of all the ingredients that make a bloody mary great. I decide I must try the food based on the aroma of the wood and the satisfaction of the bloody mary. I order another bloody. Obviously, I must confirm that my pleasure in the first beverage was not mistaken. My green chili cheese burger is delicious. The bloody mary just as enjoyable as the first.

Parting thoughts. Dick’s Hideaway delivers. It is the perfect place to take refuge and indulge on outstanding food, service and most importantly, a good bloody mary. 4.5 celery stalks.

 Dick’s Hideaway.  6008 North 16th Street, Phoenix, AZ 85016.  P: (602) 265-5886.

About The Celery Stalker

My dearest future Mrs. Celery Stalker (currently Miss Bloody Mary), I want you to know how important you are to me. Your flowing celery leaflets and glistening fruit juices drive me wild. And I often lose myself just thinking about consuming your every last drop. If you do not believe me, allow me to show you my shrine of the many high resolution pictures I have taken in your honor. I also want you to know that I will always protect you from the evils of the world, such as bottled mixes and overwhelming horseradish. You will never have to fear such horrendous evils, as I am skilled in the fine art of celery spearing. But every time we say goodbye I fear you will forget me. Please know that I will never forget you. From your barest form to your most elaborate dressings, every element you add to yourself is recorded in my mind, and I recall these images more frequently than you could imagine. I want to know you, my dearest Bloody Mary. I want to experience you in every corner of the world and maybe even take you to one of those risqué build your own bloody mary bars. Oh how delightfully sinful that would be! But please understand this. We are made for each other. Wherever you are, I will find you. I will endlessly pursue you and you will be mine. Don’t try and fight it. I cherish your salty rim. And I wait for the day we can be together again. Always yours, The Celery Stalker

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Do you ever really need a reason to sit back and enjoy a good Bloody Mary?  *crickets*  No!!!!  Stupid question, right?  That said, any reassurance I can get that validates my decision to abide is more than welcome. And as I was catching up on one of my favorite TV shows, “Bored to Death,” I was delighted to hear the following:

Ray: Is it too early to get a drink?

George: NO!!! Never too early for a well made, organic Bloody Mary!  You get your vitamins from the tomato juice and the celery gives you your fiber!

Ray: And the uh, Vodka helps you with your mood first thing in the morning, which is healthy.

George: Exactly.

Jonathan: You guys know a lot about nutrition.

And so I was convinced.  This particular night was a Bloody Mary night.  I had to.  For my health.  And for my mood.

About The Celery Stalker

My dearest future Mrs. Celery Stalker (currently Miss Bloody Mary), I want you to know how important you are to me. Your flowing celery leaflets and glistening fruit juices drive me wild. And I often lose myself just thinking about consuming your every last drop. If you do not believe me, allow me to show you my shrine of the many high resolution pictures I have taken in your honor. I also want you to know that I will always protect you from the evils of the world, such as bottled mixes and overwhelming horseradish. You will never have to fear such horrendous evils, as I am skilled in the fine art of celery spearing. But every time we say goodbye I fear you will forget me. Please know that I will never forget you. From your barest form to your most elaborate dressings, every element you add to yourself is recorded in my mind, and I recall these images more frequently than you could imagine. I want to know you, my dearest Bloody Mary. I want to experience you in every corner of the world and maybe even take you to one of those risqué build your own bloody mary bars. Oh how delightfully sinful that would be! But please understand this. We are made for each other. Wherever you are, I will find you. I will endlessly pursue you and you will be mine. Don’t try and fight it. I cherish your salty rim. And I wait for the day we can be together again. Always yours, The Celery Stalker

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Hello fellow Bloody Mary lovers and boozy brunchers.  Here at drunkentomato.com you will find reviews and pictures of Bloody Marys, product reviews related to Bloody Marys, and general adulation for one of the greatest and most versatile drinks ever created.  Please enjoy and drink up!

About The Celery Stalker

My dearest future Mrs. Celery Stalker (currently Miss Bloody Mary), I want you to know how important you are to me. Your flowing celery leaflets and glistening fruit juices drive me wild. And I often lose myself just thinking about consuming your every last drop. If you do not believe me, allow me to show you my shrine of the many high resolution pictures I have taken in your honor. I also want you to know that I will always protect you from the evils of the world, such as bottled mixes and overwhelming horseradish. You will never have to fear such horrendous evils, as I am skilled in the fine art of celery spearing. But every time we say goodbye I fear you will forget me. Please know that I will never forget you. From your barest form to your most elaborate dressings, every element you add to yourself is recorded in my mind, and I recall these images more frequently than you could imagine. I want to know you, my dearest Bloody Mary. I want to experience you in every corner of the world and maybe even take you to one of those risqué build your own bloody mary bars. Oh how delightfully sinful that would be! But please understand this. We are made for each other. Wherever you are, I will find you. I will endlessly pursue you and you will be mine. Don’t try and fight it. I cherish your salty rim. And I wait for the day we can be together again. Always yours, The Celery Stalker

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