June 2012

Yerba Buena. Bloody Value, On the Clock.

by The Buzzed Assassin on June 29, 2012

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in 3 Celery Stalks, New York

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Welcome to another episode of the Assassin Goes Bloody!  This time, the Assassin visits the East Village location of Yerba Buena, a Pan-Latin restaurant that ranks well with the foodie set.  But you did not come to the Drunken Tomato for my thoughts on the food, did you?  I didn’t think so. This particular day, [...]

About The Buzzed Assassin

You think you see motion out of the corner of your eye, but by then it is too late. The cocktail glass is empty, and the Buzzed Assassin has struck again. Wherever there is a delicious cocktail or spirit to be had, the Buzzed Assassin lurks. From the diviest of dives to the cleanest and most well lit business lounge, no libation is safe when it is brought to his attention. Bloody Marys of the world beware, for the Drunken Tomato has taken a contract out on you, and where she points, the Assassin and his razor sharp and efficient liver will strike home. Always.

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Genies Cafe. A Beacon of Vodka Infused Light.

by The Celery Stalker on June 26, 2012

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in 4.5 Celery Stalks, Oregon

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As The Celery Stalker and The Drunken Tomato continued their quest for the ultimate bloody mary, they came upon a beacon of vodka infused light as they entered Genies Cafe in Portland, Oregon.  What follows is a recount of their first impressions as they quenched their thirst for the ultimate savory cocktail. The Celery Stalker: [...]

About The Celery Stalker

My dearest future Mrs. Celery Stalker (currently Miss Bloody Mary), I want you to know how important you are to me. Your flowing celery leaflets and glistening fruit juices drive me wild. And I often lose myself just thinking about consuming your every last drop. If you do not believe me, allow me to show you my shrine of the many high resolution pictures I have taken in your honor. I also want you to know that I will always protect you from the evils of the world, such as bottled mixes and overwhelming horseradish. You will never have to fear such horrendous evils, as I am skilled in the fine art of celery spearing. But every time we say goodbye I fear you will forget me. Please know that I will never forget you. From your barest form to your most elaborate dressings, every element you add to yourself is recorded in my mind, and I recall these images more frequently than you could imagine. I want to know you, my dearest Bloody Mary. I want to experience you in every corner of the world and maybe even take you to one of those risqué build your own bloody mary bars. Oh how delightfully sinful that would be! But please understand this. We are made for each other. Wherever you are, I will find you. I will endlessly pursue you and you will be mine. Don’t try and fight it. I cherish your salty rim. And I wait for the day we can be together again. Always yours, The Celery Stalker

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Blueprint. A Good Bloody Mary, Brooklyn Style.

by The Buzzed Assassin on June 19, 2012

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in 4 Celery Stalks, New York

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The Assassin is back again, and this time, I bring my special brand of alcohol-soaked chicanery back to the county of Kings.  After a while of not brunching in Brooklyn, I felt a need to reconnect with the home of Biggie, Jay-Z and the Beasties (RIP MCA).  So I made arrangements to brunch with a [...]

About The Buzzed Assassin

You think you see motion out of the corner of your eye, but by then it is too late. The cocktail glass is empty, and the Buzzed Assassin has struck again. Wherever there is a delicious cocktail or spirit to be had, the Buzzed Assassin lurks. From the diviest of dives to the cleanest and most well lit business lounge, no libation is safe when it is brought to his attention. Bloody Marys of the world beware, for the Drunken Tomato has taken a contract out on you, and where she points, the Assassin and his razor sharp and efficient liver will strike home. Always.

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The Stanton Social. A Party For Your Insides.

by The Drunken Tomato on June 15, 2012

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in 3 Celery Stalks, New York

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Holy horseradish, captain.   Spiciness on top of spiciness on top of spiciness, eating away at your insides as you sip each fiery sip.  It reminds me of the way alcohol should be.  We often spend so much time masking the burning absorption of alcohol within the nose, throat and, my most favorite, the stomach lining, [...]

About The Drunken Tomato

With reckless abandon, I travel the world drunkenly imbibing bloody marys from the darkest corner bars to the brightest outdoor cafes, in search of this magnificant cocktail. I do this not so that I may gain the knowledge of but a fractional piece of the bloody mary pie, but rather, I do this so that my experiences can hopefully one day inspire you to continue on with this quest. I understand it is the journey that fulfills us. And for me, that journey lies within my epic crusade for the ultimate bloody mary.

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Mother’s Bistro & Bar. Bloody Mary Perfection.

by The Drunken Tomato on June 7, 2012

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in 4.5 Celery Stalks, Oregon

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He’s a tall glass of water.  A goofy faced 6’ 4”, he walks with a waddle-like limp and a floppy head of hair.  A memorable writer, a man of complexities, a man with a refreshingly honest rant; his words are emotional jabs at a convoluted world.  And he’s charming, too. On a rare sunny day [...]

About The Drunken Tomato

With reckless abandon, I travel the world drunkenly imbibing bloody marys from the darkest corner bars to the brightest outdoor cafes, in search of this magnificant cocktail. I do this not so that I may gain the knowledge of but a fractional piece of the bloody mary pie, but rather, I do this so that my experiences can hopefully one day inspire you to continue on with this quest. I understand it is the journey that fulfills us. And for me, that journey lies within my epic crusade for the ultimate bloody mary.

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